Two things I want to do more of this year.

“If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.” - Tina Fey

“They got a character on [‘Sesame Street’] named Oscar, they treat this guy like shit the entire show. They judge him right in his face, ‘Oscar you are so mean! Isn’t he kids?’ ‘Yeah Oscar! You’re a grouch!’ It’s like ‘BITCH! I LIVE IN A FUCKING TRASHCAN!’” -  Dave Chappelle

“Got a salad at McDonald’s, which is like getting a handshake at a whorehouse.” - Michael Ian Black